i think that because of the financial strain on today’s society, money is the governing factor over most people’s decisions, especially in relationships. more people are moving in together for ‘financial reason’ rather than simply waiting until both of them feel it is necessary as a principle ‘stepping stone’ of the relationship. there are so many unnecessary stressors & inhibitors that come into play when a couple is married. most of all - the independent feeling of isolation or solitude - is almost completely lost. two people who were once flexible in their schedules & exploring their own personal journeys through life, understanding themselves, educating themselves…that’s hardly found anymore when looking at actual ‘marriages’. so many other societal influences come into play & distract from one’s individual growth. growing together with someone certainly sounds fun & at times it is, but it certainly doesn’t compare to the feeling of independence one gains when tackling life lessons & learning about themselves & understanding their conscience on their own. once a couple is married, questions arise: when are you going to have children, where should we live, should we get a “bigger” house (for all of their “stuff” ?), we should go do this or that so we can make new friends with other couples, let’s make a “date night” so we can stay connected & romantically stimulated… there are distractions that come into play that take away from one’s own personal journey, because most couples lose that vigor for their own individual self-exploration. IMHO. lol.
maybe im just too cynical. but i’m a realist :)
I think that courtship has to do with the individuals & it’s a case by case basis. I don’t think that there is a universal answer or way to justify courtship because every person is unique & has values or beliefs or influences or negativities/insecurities based entirely off of their environment. However, because we do live in a time of extreme financial burden, people tend to use marriage as a means of mutually benefitting from a situation that would provide them “financial” security “as a couple”. But in terms of courtship itself - I agree with Alexa, there’s way more to do than dinner & a movie. And if a person is 3 weeks into a relationship or 3 years, if they are still resorting to “dinner & a movie” strategies as a way to get closer to their loved one, than the entire relationship should be under scrutiny & question because there’s more to life than coasting with someone just for the sake of being “happy” or having a “significant other”. Personally, I don’t believe marriage is even necessary. I understand it is a tradition, but breakdown (via hard definitions) what traditions actually are: an inherited, established or customary pattern of thought or action or behavior (as a religious practice or social custom); a belief or story or a body of beliefs or stories relating to the past that are commonly accepted as historical though not verifiable. What this means, at least to me - is that our culture has taken something from the past & almost made it a “given” or “norm” or “expected” pattern of behavior between two people who choose to become involved romantically. I don’t believe its necessary because I can showcase my love for someone WITHOUT having to have a written document stating that I’m LEGALLY BONDED to them. Love should be pure, mutually exchanged, unbiased & reinforced continuously through each individuals understanding of themselves, the world around them & the scientific literacy of what the feeling & euphoria of love actually is. When an individual, let alone ‘two people’ actually begin to study & grasp what influences have been present around them since their birth, a whole new perspective is achieved & a persons respect & understanding of others changes. So does a persons empathy, concern, compassion & ultimately, respect, for others. There’s so much more but all of these influence a person to better understand their own feelings which allow them to essentially - love, BETTER. Because they are not only more in tune with others’ emotions, but they’re in tune with their own, which allows them to be a better lover, friend & human being. Watch the third installment of the Zeitgeist film series - Zeitgeist: Moving Forward. It talks a lot about environmental factors that influence behavior beginning in utero. Here’s the link, you can watch it in full on the website: http:// www.zeitgeistmovingforward. com/
Obviously some of this is my opinion but it’s primarily based off of fact because that’s what science is for…a tool to decipher, establish or breakdown facts, free from bias, prejudice, tradition & primitive thinking. As astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson once stated: “We’ve been exploring ever since we first left the cave. Not everyone leaves the cave, but those who do make great discoveries.”
Courtship conversation initiator: Okay, Rich Evans. I understand you are going off of facts…but how do you ‘feel’? About the situation, personally, theories aside?
Haha these aren’t theories my dear. Seriously, watch that film & you’ll see what I mean. But in short, how I “feeeeeeel”….I feel like there’s a lack of maturity & intellectualism in this country & it plays a large role in the utter lack of originality & spontaneity that resides as the base plate for all relationships. The real question should be: How does one showcase their love or even understand what love is when they suffer from a lack of ingenuity, creativity & varied perspective on life? Also, read this note I posted about throwing around that (Americanized) word “theory”:http://www.facebook.com/ note.php?note_id=2732078375 952
I also think we should all agree with the understanding & reality that everyone would benefit much more if the pressure of “finding your soulmate” or “significant other” or “one & only” wasn’t applied to us with so much pressure by society, mainstream media, including sitcoms, family movies, Disney, the film industry & the music industry as well. Although that type of content is able to be interpreted differently by others, it forces the act of “searching” for your significant other as a norm in behavior or as one of the main focuses of life in general. It’s convincing people that without a “special someone” or “single” as being alone or incomplete. Where, in actuality, exploring ones own individuality, education, curiosity, skepticism, inquisitiveness & wellness are among the truest & most primary reaches of life, because only then will you honestly & maturely come to terms with what it means to appreciate, to respect & love yourself & others. On a grander level, to essentially evolve your own person & collective conscience & perspective of everything. Each individual on this planet is capable of not simply directing his or her path, but they may also be able to pave the way in order to either exclude his/herself from any negativity or limited perspectives, but on the flip side - to travel along in such a way that allows them to encounter such people that are of like minds, passions & interests, free from the number of “boxed in” ideologies & biases flooded amongst the population only for influence over the current stereotype or trend amongst the status quo for economic or monetary “achievement”. Once everyone is able to grasp this entire reality we live in & understand that most of our situations have been influenced by our own perverted culture, more people will be brought to the comfortable understanding that there isn’t simply a “special someone” for them, but millions of potential “significant others” all over the world that they haven’t even met. This type of understanding encourages further fulfillment & exploration of life outside of their own comfort zone & broadens a persons perspective altogether. It’s a beautiful thing & they keep that youthful & adolescent flame of curiosity & advancement alive in their life.
aka inspirement aka out of mind aka sagan|sense
any & all love & feedback or interjection into this topic is certainly welcome & i encourage discussion on this concept amongst everyone <3